The Secret Diary of .. Christopher Luxon

MONDAY
Great news for the nation! In a  gesture that I know will resonate with ordinary Kiwis who look to the Prime Minister as an example of someone who can deliver a set of deliverables that will take root and come to pass, I have sold one of my nine or 10 properties.
We could certainly do with some cheering up! Sad scenes at Turangawaewae for the funeral of the Māori King. Good to see Herald reporter Adam Pearse declare, “Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has made a moving speech in honour of Kīingi Tūheitia”.
It’s not easy to win over journalists! So many of them are hard to please.
TUESDAY
New Zealand is on the move! The sale of my house comes amid an uptick in buyer sentiment following the Reserve Bank’s cut to the Official Cash Rate last month.
Talk about a rock star economy! Herald reporter Thomas Coughlan did just that, in a recent story headlined, “Put on your dancing shoes Christopher Luxon, the rock star economy is back for an encore”.
Great headline! It was based on the last line of his report, which read, “Put on your dancing shoes, Mr Luxon, and cock an ear to the wind. The rock star economy is ready for an encore.”
Cock an ear to the wind! What?
WEDNESDAY
Happy days! Barry Soper reports in the Herald, “The coalition have legislated more than any other government in their first 100 days and are still out there trying to dig this country out of the post-Covid hole.”
Great to win the approval of an independent voice! In his detailed and thoughtful analysis of my first year as Prime Minister, he also reports, “This Government has had the shortest honeymoon period of any in recent history. They couldn’t bask in the glory of success, they had to get on and deal with the mess.”
He has a long history of expert advice! He tells a story about Key: “Early in his tenure in the top job when he asked me whether he’d taken it too far, laden with flowers and swivelling his hips in a colourful shirt in the Pacific. He was told it’s the sort of thing the public likes, a Prime Minister being one of us and being prepared to let his hair down. And that’s what Luxon, who has a keen sense of humour has got to do, to become more relatable.”
Already there! Who can forget the family photos of us all dressed in matching pyjamas?
THURSDAY
It doesn’t get better than this! I attract the attention of Elon Musk, who writes on X, “Have to say I like the new NZ PM.”
He knows a world leader when he sees one! He also wrote, “Good energy and talks directly to the public.”
This guy should work as a journalist! He concluded, “This is the way!”
Jacinda Ardern – eat your heart out! Or should I say, “Jacinda who?”
FRIDAY
There’s a new Māori queen!
Anyway, our position is the Crown is sovereign.